There is a Tamil film called 36 Vayadhinile (the Tamil version of the Malayalam movie How Old Are You?)
The film begins with Vasanthi, a 36-year-old woman leading a routine, unremarkable life as a wife and mother.
She has spent years prioritising her husband and daughter over herself. She gives up her personal dreams and ambitions and sees being a 24/7-Available Mom-Wife-Daughter-in-Law as the most important role.
Gradually, she becomes detached from the happenings of the modern world and she comes to be seen as a dumb and incapable by her daughter and husband. So much so that when her visa to Ireland is rejected, her husband and daughter relocate without her.
An old friend reminds Vasanthi that she wasn't always this insecure, hesitant woman—that she once had dreams, confidence, and ambitions.
Slowly, Vasanthi begins rebuilding herself. She develops an idea involving organic farming and home greenhouses, runs marathons, and gives speeches to politicians and businessmen about organic farming and nutrition, gradually re-establishing herself.
Her transformation is so profound that later, even when her visa is approved, she chooses to stay back and finish the work she has started. She even tells her husband ‘My daughter looked at me like a loser. She told I didn’t chase after my dreams and used her a reason to be lazy. I will do it now.’
The lesson here is:
After marriage, you will have two paths.
- To care about your previous generations: To be a random character of the story, do what they did, impress your in-laws, and de-prioritize your ambitions, wants and desires.
- To care about your next generation: Fcus on yourself as an individual, be the lead character of the story and set a benchmark to your kids.
What you choose makes all the difference.